It's getting colder... it must be that time of year.

*sigh* It's Christmas Eve once again, and, as usual, Christmas in my house is as crazy as ever. Though, I must say that Christmas with a three year old around is always entertaining, no matter how crazy things get! Anyway, I don't have much time cuz I'm expected back at the house to set out our stockings for Santa. (Christmas tends to retain some of it's magical mystery when you still have little ones in the house) Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days of childhood innocence, but I'll save that for another post on another day, when I have more time. I just wanted to drop a little note to all of you to say Merry Christmas, and I hope that wherever you are you are enjoying yourself. And just to be very cheesy...

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

I love you!

TEXAS!!!!!!!!

Did I ever mention how much I freaking ADORE Texas!?!?!?!? Cuz I do... For those of you who don't know my life history, I spent my chidhood growing up in Greenville, Texas (dot dot dot) Yes, it is located in the ARMPIT OF THE STATE, but I love it! So many good memories in this state, and now, here I am making more of them at the Allen House. Oh, and speaking of, did I ever mention the love that I have for the Allens!? Cuz I love them too... But I'm not sure that I could ever express that in a way that people can understand, because it's just one of those things that you have to experience for yourself. At any rate, I'm here, in Texas, at the Allens, and I'm going to the West End tonight and the Galleria later this after noont. Needless to say, I am having a Dang Good Day! And it really is true what they say. Everything is bigger in Texas. I love looking at the sky and seeing the horizon... there's just such a feeling of freedom down here. Anyway, I just wanted to relate my complete elation at being here, and being out of Virginia and freakin Rockbridge County! Lot's of love for you all and I hope that you're having a fun day like me!

I Need To Escape

I feel like I've been running forever. The only problem is that I have no idea where I'm going, and I can't even go back to where I started. I've been running for so long that I've forgotten where I came from. Or maybe I feel like one of those planets, or stars, or whatever. You know the ones that explode and then collapse into a black hole? I haven't gotten to the point of explosion yet, but when I do, I'm afraid it will be big and loud, and then I'll just collapse in on myself. I want to find a place where I can stop running, where I can release some of the built up pressure, but so far I haven't been that lucky.

lol... I'm sure that you're all thinking that I'm ABSOLUTELY batty, and making mental notes to yourselves to keep a safe distance.

I think that the frustrating thing is that I don't know why I feel like this. Most days I do fine, and I can keep myself occupied for enough hours of the day that I can forget about it. Unfortunately, there are days that I can't stop thinking about how much I suck. I keep trying to fix what I know is wrong. I try so hard, and it seems like the harder I try the more I don't succeed. After enough of that, I begin to reach a point where I just don't want to continue trying.

Maybe I'm not patient enough. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Y'know, I want things to work out. I want to be happy, but right now, I'm just not quite sure how to make that happen. My life isn't bad right now. I have the most amazing friends. The best that a girl could ask for, to be honest(if you'd like to hear me go into detail check out my livejournal). I enjoy my jobs, and my classes are going well for the most part. I also have a very loving and supportive family. What more could I want right? Well, if any of you have any ideas, please enlighten me.

There is one more thing that I'd like to touch on... and I would honestly rather that you not comment on this because I'm not saying this to just fish for anything. This is real... so, just read and know that on my bad days, this is probably how I'm feeling.

I, like most people, struggle with my self-image. Let's be honest. I'm not you're stereo-typical modern beauty. I do understand that some of the social standards are unrealistic and down right rediculous, but let's be honest... I'm not in the *cough* best shape. I know that there are things that I could do to help remedy this, but I often find myself being discouraged with a lack of progress in this area as well as in those previously discussed. So, there are days, which have become more frequent as of late, that I spend wondering if I am... unlovable. I hope that there are those of you out there who can understand how hard it is to believe that others can care about you, when you have a hard time believing that you're worth the effort. And there have been many tearful nights wondering if anyone will ever think that I am worth the effort.

So, long story short, I apologize if I have seemed a little less tolerant, upbeat, or happy in the last little while... I've been a little preoccupied. I'm hoping that it's just a passing thing, and I'll do my best to not get in anyone's way.

MD & TX

MD... I am sooo excited!!! Rachael and I are going to Maryland for the weekend and by doing so I get to leave Rockbridge county for the first real time in AGES! I'm shopping for shoes, and going to see a play, and going to visit her grandmother. It's going to be a blast! Don't miss us too much! We'll be thinking of all of you the whole weekend!

TX... I get to go to the Allen's with Hannah at the beginning of Christmas break!!!! She needs people to ride down with her, and so now I finally get to go to the Allen house and experience it for myself!!!! I CANNOT wait!

lol... anyway, Rachael is done packing, and we're hittin' the road Jack... lol... sorry for the lame joke.

Millions of Moneys

Today I spent all day at work, not because I was scheduled, but because I offered to work so that I could earn money for this weekend. I'm praying that in the next two days of working I can earn at least another 40-50 dollars of moneys... I'm not sure that I'll be able to do it because this week has been AMAZINGLY slow, but I'm sure gonna try. I'm going shopping for crying out loud and I'd like to spend more than $40! lol. I know that sounds amazingly whiny and spoiled, but I would like to point out that I have not spent money on clothes since who knows when, and I desperately need some new ones, and I'm going to MD with my own personal fashion consultant! Anyway, on to other matters.

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Yeah, I have nothing. I suppose that's sad really. I spent all day at work, and now I'm sitting at Art's watching Butterfly Effect and updating my blog. Sorry I'm not more interesting :-D

Christmas Decorations

I love the Christmas season. I love everything about it! I love the cheesy feel-good movies, the even cheesier 'spirit of the season' music, the lights, the snow, and most of all the chill in the air that makes you feel the need to cuddle up close to a special someone. Haha. I guess it's because I'm a hopeless romantic, and I've always loved the season and all the emotions that go with it. I think my favorite thing about the holiday are the stories. My all-time favorite book is 'The Polar Express' by Chris Van Allsburg. It was recently made into an animated movie with Tom Hanks. Oh boys. The Love!!!! If any of you have the chance to go see the movie, I HIGHLY suggest it! lol. Well, I need to go because we're decorating for christmas tonight and I'm incharge of the digital camera. Smile everyone! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

Blogging

Well, I guess I'm going to maintain a blog as well as a livejournal. lol. I'm not gonna say much right now cuz I'm tired and I want to sleep, but before I go I did want to say that if any of you want to read both of my online thingys (real technical, I know :) here's my livejournal.
www.livejournal.com/users/keeler083. So have fun, and I'll post an actual entry later. ;)