'Five-hundred Twenty-five Thousand Six-hundred Minutes....'

Four-hundred Sixty-three Thousand, One-hundred Fifty-five minutes so far... Sixty-two Thousand, Four-hundred Fourty-five minutes to go...

Life... is so frustrating. There's some days that I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep. And there are days that I feel like I could conquer the world... unfortunately on those days, I don't. But here's to keeping at it, right?

Anyway, life these days is... good. I hang out with a great group of people. I have no job right now because the job that I hated?... well, they ended the temp assignment, which was great because I don't have to work there anymore, but it sucks because I no longer have any income... oh well... I'm looking for another one.

It's getting colder here. It actually happened in one day. The morning was like, 70 degrees and by six that night it had dropped to like, 40. And it's been really cold ever since. I can't believe it's halfway through November already. I can't believe that the year is almost over. It's crazy. How DO you measure a year? I think measure my life by the people who have affected it. I know I've said it before, but I can't believe how much things have changed since last year. Geez... it's nuts.

This time of year always makes me nostolgic. I love the cold weather and being able to bundle up to keep warm. I love the snow (lol... I'll miss that this year, being in Texas...) and the lights and the spirit of the holiday season. I know that's cheesy, but it's true. I love the warmth and comfort everything.

Well, enough of that. I've got to go do more job hunting... blegh... wish me luck!

Life as I know it.

Hey kids, I know it's been a while, but I haven't actually sat down at a computer for an extended amount of time for a looooooooooooong time. Life right now is soooo blah, so I guess I haven't had much that I've felt the need to share. Well, this weekend has been really fun, but recently, that's abnormal. Sad eh? Anyway, so back to this weekend. I got off work on Friday and Hannah and I went and got our nails done. It was great. Then she went to Paul's and I went to a dance at the Meandering Way building... it was good. Suprisingly enough the singles dances here aren't bad AT ALL. It's so refreshing to hear some actual real music at these things. Anyway, it was a good night. On Saturday Hannah, Chris, and I went shopping all day long!!! From like, noon to six pm. It was so much fun, and I was really impressed that Chris lasted that long! Most guys would get tired of walking all over the mall after like, 2 hours. Well, we were shopping for him and, if I do say so... every man should take Hannah and I shopping with him. He will look SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good wherever he goes, and he'll get an ego boost in the meantime. :-D So last night we just chilled as well as today. I hate Sundays though, because that means I have to go to work the next day and I hate work. I think I have to be at work early tomorrow too because they're making us do mandatory overtime. Grrrrrrrrrrr... I just hate this job! It's sucking the life out of me. I can't handle this 'nothing changes' thing... I have to have some kind of variety in my day. I'm so used to the environment surrounding the restaraunt business that anything slower and less versatile is like living in a slow motion clip on repeat. Having Hannah back in town has made me realize how much I really do just miss home so much and how much I just want to go back to my friends there. I miss you all sooo much. I just can't talk to most of the people here like I did back home. I miss the stimulating conversation the most. Now, not everyone here is a horrible conversationalist, there are a select few that I can talk to, but I just miss having that at my disposal whenever I want.

Well, I guess that's it. I love and miss you all. Drop me a line sometime, and I'll say hi back when I get to a computer.

24

Just a note in passing....

TNT IS DOING A 24 MARATHON ON SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!! STARTING AT 2PM...or something like that. I'M SOOO EXCITED!!!!!!! EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH WITH ME!!!!

lol.. Just thought you all should know. :-D

hold me closer...

So today, I was at work, and I was on hold waiting to talk to a supervisor. It'd been a pretty long day, and I was dealing with a rough call to begin with. Anyway, it was a pretty long wait, and I was kind of zoning out and all of the sudden I hear the intro to 'Tiny Dancer'. It was like I had been instantly transported to the best summer term ever, to the living room of the Blue House, surrounded by tons of good friends, watching one of the best movies ever made, for the first time. I mean, just the feeling of home, that the song gave me... the feeling of good friends, and even better times. *sigh* It was an oasis in the middle of a very long, dry day. Anyway, I love things like that. It just makes your day a little brighter, y'know?

Goodbye Girl

*sigh* Another school year is about to begin. It's crezy to think about what I was doing this time last year. ARt had just come back into town, I was moving into Trish Neale's house, and Cameron and Heather had just gotten engaged. Wow... So much can change in a year. This year is going to be drastically different. I'm currently living with my Aunt Janell. She teaches ESL at a local middle school and interprets for the deaf for Dallas County Community Colleges in the evenings. during the week she leaves at 7 am and doesn't get home until 9 or 9:30 pm. She's probably picking up an interpreting gig for a Saturday class as well, which means that I'm pretty much left to my own devices all the time. Thank heaven for public transportation... who knew one day I'd be saying that... but if you don't have a car, in a city like Dallas, you can't go without it.

Anyway... as for me, well, I had wanted to go to school, but I don't think that's going to be possible. I was planning on paying for school with a pell grant, but because I got started so late, my grant won't clear for 3 weeks, and this school requires that you pay for tuition up front. It's crazy. Sooooo... I might end up just working this semester and then beginning school in January. I'm just praying that it all works out...

Y'know, change is a very scary thing. I've left everyone that I know and love behind me. I'm stepping WAY out of my comfort zone, while my support system, that I rely on so heavily, is half a country away. There's something to be said for starting over, but then again, rebuilding a life isn't easy. This is the first move I've made where I don't have either my immediate family or an established group of friends to fall back on. Well, now that Hannah's gone back to BV.

There have been days in the last few weeks that I've felt so lost. There are some good people in the singles ward here, but I just feel so... well, I jut hate feeling self-concious. I know that I'll make friends, I just worry about what people think about me. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I'm so used to just feeling at home. I'm craving it soo much. Wherever I was in BV, I was comfortable in my surroundings. I never had to worry about acceptance and all of that. I was at home wherever I went. I guess what's eating at me the most is that my good-byes are becoming more permanent than I wanted them to be.

Long story short.... everything is changing and I can't stop it. I guess... I just want to take a minute to thank everyone who's changed my life since I moved to BV, and especially those who have been my support for the last two years. I'll just simply say, I love and miss you all. I hope all of you have the most fabulous semester ever, and if you find the time, drop me a line every so often. :)

THE DARK AGES HAVE ENDED!!!!!!!

HEY KIDS!!!!!
I've just recently moved in with my Aunt Janell and she has dsl and she let me download AOL instant messenger!!!! Work is zapping the life out of me but it's sooo nice to be able to come home to cable tv and a computer with aim on it. It's like my life line has been restored... lol. I'm pathetic, I know. Anyway, I guess I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm still alive and kickin'. And that I'll probably be online most nights after 8pm Texas time. And for the record, I miss you all soooo much that it's close to unbearable. So sign on and talk to me when you get a chance!

Just Another Day

Well, I was really looking forward to today. Too bad. I should learn to not do that anymore. It usually ends up being that the day is a huge let down. If I go into it planning to have a bad day, then I can hope to be pleasantly surprised. I ended up spending the whole day being homesick and wishing that I was in Virginia. I'm sick of not knowing anyone down here, and the few that I have met... I either don't know them well enough yet, or they're stupid, idiotic, morons who aren't worth my time. I realized the other night that I'd learned to take for granted the courtesies and respect that I enjoyed while living in VA. I have realized, much to my dismay, that many people do not know what common courtesy is. I mean, the other night I was at these guys' house and they proceeded to have a conversation amongst themselves about how hot an actress was (they were ogling a Maxim magazine) and being very, very crass. I made some very passive comment to indicate that I wanted them to stop talking about it, and they basically let me know that I could leave if I didn't like it. Now, they were probably right, because it was their home, but all I wanted to do was strongly remind them that if they ever wanted to get and keep a girl, they should learn quickly that, unless they stopped thinking with... well, anyway... I didn't say anything. Then, last night, I think I made two comments about some random actor being hot in the movie that we were watching, and they said that they didn't want to hear it. Mind you, all I said was that the guy looked good. I didn't go on about it at all, and they couldn't handle it. It just made me soo mad. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong. I felt like I should be able to say that a guy is hot, if they can talk about how they'd like to "pound the heck" out of someone. On top of all of this, I'm just missing everyone in VA. I didn't even get to go see any fireworks today, and we aren't at someone's house shooting any off either. I think it's been over ten years since I haven't watched fireworks on the 4th. It was disappointing. I don't fault anyone for it. We were at a singles activity and they were all going to see the fireworks, and then after we got in the car Hannah realized that she was just not feeling well enough to go deal with it. I don't blame her at all. She's not been feeling well all day long, I just really.... anyway, I'm sick of having my life tied to the schedules of everyone else. I do realize that it's my fault and everything, but at least in BV.. well, if worse came to worse I could walk. I guess I'm just feeling very lonely and homesick tonight. It'll be out of my system by tomorrow. Happy 4th y'all. I miss you.

Seriously people... just do me this favor. I'm gonna sleep and pray that it'll all be okay at the end of September.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my fathers come to pass,
Seven years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my fathers come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.[x3]

Frustrated AND Unemployed in Dallas

Well folks, life here in the great state of Texas is still moving rather slowly. I have begun to meet a few more new and interesting people, and I actually had an interview the other day, but the situation of things still has yet to change. I'm praying that my life regains it's purpose very soon. I'm beginning to think that I've just been forgotten. I'm missing everyone like crazy and I'm still not sure where I'm supposed to be in the fall. I think it's here, but I don't know, and I'm just not getting any straight answers - everything is all fuzzy. Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough, but still... its been six weeks already. Anyway, to say the least I'm getting frustrated, but it will all work out. And if any of you have any suggestions, by all means, help me out. I need all the help I can get. As for the rest of life, it's going okay... met some chill guys at the singles ward, but... well, it's not the same. Y'know nothing can compare to Art's house. :-D It's frustrating having to find a new place to belong and fit in. There's days that I want to run screaming back to VA. Where I don't have to try to be liked and accepted. Anyway, I want all of you to comment and let me know how you're doing. Cuz I'm dying to hear from all of you.

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a kiss goodnight and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine

Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

Well, folks... it's official. I hate job hunting. As a college student who has yet to graduate, (and, let's be honest, it's gonna be a while yet) I've found that it is EXTREMELY difficult, actually... next to IMPOSSIBLE to find a job in the professional world. No one wants you. You don't have a degree or enough experience. I'm doomed to wait tables! AND all the temp places in Dallas are hidden. I swear I've looked for like, five of them and they just disappear, or the city looses me. lol... well, okay, so the getting lost thing is mostly my fault thanks to my retardedness, but that's another story. At any rate, after all of that, I'm still unemployed in Dallas. lol... that sounds like the anonymous names that they give to people who call into radio talk shows or send questions into newspaper advice columns... like in Sleepless in Seattle. Only in my case there will be no happy love story to go along with it. Anyway, other than the fact that Dallas has no place for me within it's workforce, I'm doing well. I've begun attending the singles ward here, and working my way into THAT scene. It's weird. There is DEFINITELY a huge difference between a singles ward and a STUDENT ward. Number one, the ward isn't overrun with 18 year old mormon bimbos, fresh out of the nest. It's nice, really. But at the same time... unnerving. I'm not used to it yet. Then again, I've only been one Sunday. I have, however, managed to work my way into the good graces of a household of guys. One of them owns the house, and the others pay him rent. It's a pretty sweet deal for all of them. And... here's the hott part. It's got a 62 inch big screen tv with a surround sound system (don't worry Art, it still doesn't rival your system... or your setup :-D )a hot tub AND a pool. I haven't done the pool or tub thing, but I've definitely enjoyed some Mario Kart on that ho. Other than that, I don't think that there's really much going on. I just chill with the Allens when there's nothing else to do, and I love that, so I really can't complain... just that the unemployment thing sucks cuz I don't have money. I don't mind not working. I just need cash. Here's to hopin that 'prayer' thing I keep hearing about actually works. :) oh, and p.s.... Beth and Heath... thanks for the little notes! I'm sorry I'm so bad about updating!

THE LOVE

I can't express how much fun I'm having! I love all the little girls, the Allen boys are definite faves, and Mama and Papa Allen are awesome. Paul is HOT, as Hannah always said he was, and this time, when I went to his house I actually got to talk to him instead of just standing in his living room for five seconds. (And Ben is definitely a favorite.. such a funny man) The Wedding was crazy, stressful, and beautifully fun all at the same time, and the good times are rollin'! lol.. in short, Dallas is everything.. just fabulous! Oh, and as a side note.. I'm slightly bitter... EVERYONE (and I do mean everyone) got a piece the night of the wedding EXCEPT ME...Hannah, Zachy, Bisa, Esther(the ultimate piece :-D), and even Jacob got a kiss. Joseph and I comforted each other in our lack of piece-ness. lol... *sigh* (ps.. yes, I did get to talk to him on Mother's day, and I forgot how much he's such a fave. He's doing really well. Oh, and Keiks, he definitely did ask about you ;)lol.. gotta love those Allen boys) OH YEAH. I met THE sister-in-law... and... she was.... yeah. anyway! Hannah and I haven't begun working yet because of the wedding, but we're going in tomorrow. Soooo I'll keep you all updated on that front. I'm really looking forward to the rest of the summer!!! I'm going to make a list of all of the things that I want to do, and I'm gonna get them all done before I come home!


ps... only three more episodes of 24 season 4!!!!! Art, you have to let me know what you thought of last weeks episode!


Music: Garage Inc. - Metallica
Mood: Thrilled to be in the Great State of TEXAS!!!!!

TEXAS!!!!

I cannot express how surreal all of this really is.. I'm here in Dallas. I forgot how much I really do love this state. I'll expound on everything later, because I have to go.. we're on our way out the door. I just wanted to let all of you know that I arrived safely.

Ohio

COME BACK TO TEXAS!!!!...
(click on the blog title for a hott link)

After today, it's only four more days till I leave for Texas. And I can't wait. I have one final on Monday, and then I'm done. *sigh... It'll be so nice to get out of Rockbrige county. To all of you that I'm leaving behind... I love you dearly and I'll be back before you know it, and I'll buy you a souvenier. If you're going to be in Dallas, give me a holla and we'll hook up and chill the hell out of the night :-D. Besides, the mexican food sucks north of there anyway.

Winding Down

Well, friends, there's two weeks until the end of classes, and three until I leave this town for a good long while. No worries, I have plans to return, just not for a month at least. I can't wait for a change of scene. Meeting new people, spending time with old friends, and remembering some very happy times spent in the heart of Texas. For those of you who don't know, that is where I spent my childhood. In a town called Greenville. It's about the size of well... maybe Staunton, with less historical interest. It might even be slightly smaller... At any rate, it's where my sisters and I spent way too many hot, long days just chillin. lol.. geez.. that's where Keiks began directing. We would always play with the neigborhood kids, and she was always the one telling us where we needed to be and what we needed to do to make our little pretend world keep moving along. I don't think about that stuff often enough. I think remembering your childhood is a good thing, most of the time. And granted, there are those who, I'm sure wish that they could forget their younger years, and I wouldn't blame them in some cases. I was blessed with an environment that allowed me to be a kid. Y'know like the kind you read about in books. Growing up, I wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder or Anne of Green Gables. Though, Mikaela was always Anne. I was Diana Berry, in real life. I always went along with whatever scheme, enjoying every minute of it, but always following Anne's lead.

Geez, I'm sorry, I didn't intend on rambling like that. When you're making life changes, it's usually then that you turn and look back at all of the things that have happened to you to bring you to the point you're at. And then you turn around and keep walking, hopefully smiling because of where you've been, and who you're going to become.

Anyway, I hope that all of you keep in touch over the summer, and keep posting so that we can all stay up to date. Good luck with everything in life, and I love you all!

my livejournal

fyi folks, I'm going to update my blog and my livejournal simultaneously... sooo the entries will be the same in both places... sooooo you don't need to worry about reading both of them, cuz they're going to be the same, as I'm sure you noticed from the last two entries... thanks for reading :)

Bends and Horizons

I've been sitting here for about fifteen minutes. I've typed things, and then erased them several times, and so far, all that I've come up with is an image in my head and a few random thoughts and feelings that I can't seem to express. I guess I'll go with the image, since the words and feelings are less solid. I read a qote the other day and the image it portrayed stuck. It's from Anne of Green Gables. Go ahead and laugh, but I love those books and I always will. I guess I'll always identify with the romance of the stories... not the lovey kind, but the feel good, warm fuzzy kind. Anyway, this was the quote.

"When I left Queen's my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does. It has a fascination of its own, that bend, Marilla."

I'm sure all of you have experienced that feeling at some point in your lives when you know that, in the near future things will happen that will change your life forever, and that once they happen, you will never be the same, and you will never be able to go back to what you were before. That thought is daunting, exciting, and horrifying all at the same time. To not know what is coming, and at the same time know that it will change who you define yourself as... wow...

I know that by the end of this year I will forever leave who I am now for who I will become. I know that the changes will be positive ones, and I will be happier because of them, and that thought is comforting. However, though I know that these changes will be good, I've enjoyed, for the most part, becoming who I am right now. I've known for a while now that I've really been kind of stuck and not making much progress, and I've been unhappy many times, but I've become comfortable in my little rut in the road. It's scary to move from your comfort zone. You know what they say though... you have to take the first steps into the darkness and then the Lord will light your way.

"Marilla, isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

It's 4 am, and I'm doing good so far. :)

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I could see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

*sigh* Who knows anymore...

I don't know what's wrong with me. Recently it seems like every corner that I turn, there's one more thing reminding me of what a horrible person I am. Or, well, not even that, just reminders of all of my shortcomings and failings. It gets to a point sometimes where I wonder why people even keep me around. I want to just crawl into a hole in the wall and disappear... I don't want them to have to be around me, because I guess I don't want to be around myself... I'm miserable and I don't know why and I hate it. I want so desperately to be happy, and there are moments when I catch a glimpse of it in my own life, but those moments are always so fleeting. The other day I was just thinking about things, and for some reason I thought about my favorite time of day. It's sunset. That's the most beautiful time of day, that quiet reflective moment where all the bustle of the day has calmed down to a quiet hum, and the world is serene and beautiful. The darkness of night hasn't quite enveloped it yet. The world is holding on to those last traces of day as long as it can. I'm lost somewhere in the dark and all I have to hold onto is the memory of that peace... I doubt I'm making any sense to anyone who might be reading this. I'm hardly making sense to myself. I think the hardest part of everything is the fact that I have no direction right now. I'm so lost, and I have no idea how to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. I've tried everything that has been suggested, and nothing has seemed to work, so if any of you have any suggestions.. well, they'd be welcome. At this point, I think I might just give up and stop trying.

ps... I apologize to those of you who read both my blog and my livejournal...

Another Update

Soooo... I've been told that I should update my blog more frequently. I believe them, but somehow I never seem to remember to do so when I'm actually sitting at a computer that has internet access... Anyway, I guess I'll tell you folks how my spring break went. At the beginning of the week my mother informed me that if I was going to stay at my house I would have to be awake and gone from the house by eight in the morning because the workmen were 'uncomfortable with me being there'. I mean come on people!!!!! It's my D*** house!!! My mom's reasoning was, "Well, you should be up and functional by that time anyway." UHHHHH okay mom... It's spring break and I'm going to be up every day at eight in the morning... I DON'T THINK SO. So, I didn't go home except to change clothes and shower this week. And, actually, at the end of the week they moved all of my crap and piled it in a corner so that the new carpet could be laid, so I couldn't have slept there even if I had wanted to... AND THEN my mom has the balls to be mad at me for not being around. WHATEVER...
Anyway. Art, Hannah, and I watched season 1 and season 2 of 24 during spring break. It was a great system really, we'd start a disc at about midnight, and then we'd watch two discs in about six hours, and then we'd go to bed, and I'd sleep long enough to just go to work and then end up at Art's around midnight again, and the cycle continued for four nights. And can I tell you, the ABSOLUTE love for Jack Bauer. lol. Last night Hannah and I spent about an hour and a half googling that man.. well, Keifer Sutherland.. but, well, yeah. He's hot. Those baby blues, the lips, the arms/shoulders... oh geez I could go on for hours. Oh, and the hilarious 24 moments that we had! Sooo many funny times, but the hands down favorite has to be the commando roll, the man down, and then... the plunger. We laughed forever!!! *sigh* oh well, now it's the second day back to classes, and I'm sooo ready for school to be over. A month and counting. I hope it goes fast.

ps... check out the link... click on the post title

LaDeDa

I have a cat. I hate my cat. Why? Because I can. My cat does annoying things, like getting under my feet. This weekend, my friend Rachael stayed with me and my cat just HAD to sleep with her. Oh well, it's not like the cat tried to eat her hair or anything. Although I did pluck her eyebrows. That was entertaining but then, it always is. At least she didn't scream as much this time. Gosh, that girl can scream. You should hear her when she gets mad. She can go on and on and on. It quite funny actually. But don't let her drive when she's mad. That can get pretty scary. At least she's never been mad at me. Although I suppose there's a first time for everything...

RALEIGH!!!!

For those of you who have been able to visit Raleigh with Art, you know what it's like to be there for the first time. I had SUCH a blast! I never wanted to leave! The party at Kyle's was chill, though it was a bunch of high school kids. After that we went to find food and lost Kyle and Diana in the process, so grubbage was cut short. Then Shanna, Art, and I went and chilled at King Steve's house. The next day we went to Bojangle's and Goodberry's and it was gooooooooood. I DEFINITELY need to go back! Theeen... we went back to Kyle's and walked down to the lake..... And then I, Laci, and Angie followed Art and Shanna to the Raleigh Temple and then Art and Shanna met his dad and mom for dinner, while I and the girls went to the closest mall. And there we met the chillest gay man EVER. He did my makeup and Laci's make up, and he was just cool. After that we went to Steve's and played Spades while we waited for Kyle and Diana to show up. It was soo much fun! The next day Diana, Angie, Laci and I left at like, Ten in the morning and got back here by two. That's just what our basic itenerary was...Kyle and I both got pulled over, me for expired tags, and Kyle for drunk driving...lol.. aaand we also got the cops called on us. Kyle got lost twice, and it was fun trying to fix THAT since he doesn't really know his way to well around Raleigh...lol. He's not nicknamed Magellan for nothing. Anyway, it was one of the best weekends of my life and I want to go back sooooooo bad!

This IS my life...

So, I've been listening to the Switchfoot Beautiful Letdown album a lot recently, and these songs have become favorites..let me know what you think... you can go listen to the tracks on this site...http://switchfoot.com/musicmain.htm.

This is Your Life

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now
Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be
This is your life are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

And you had everything to lose


On Fire

Tell you where you need to go
Tell you who you need to be
Tell you what you need to know
Tell you when you’ll need to leave

But everything inside you knows
Says more than what you’ve heard
So much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

Chorus:

And you’re on fire
When he’s near you
You’re on fire
When he speaks
You’re on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be... (near you)

Cause everything inside looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I’ll take

Chorus:
When I’m on fire
When you’re near me
I’m on fire
When you speak
And I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I’m standing on the edge of me (x3)
I’m standing on the edge

Chorus:

And I’m on fire
When you’re near you
I’m on fire
When you speak
(yea) I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries...

Here Goes...

Soooo.. this has been going around, and I thought I should jump on the band wagon, cuz it's a fun little thing. You all should do the same because it's a fun thing to pass around.


any and all who read this, feel free to post, and i'll reply... and also, feel free to tell your friend or others, so they can post if they'd like. open, honest, and PUBLIC information can solve a lot of problems i think.

1. Reply to this post, because I would like to say a few words about you.
2. I will also tell you what song(s) remind me of you when I hear it.
3. I will also tell you what celebrity/public [or fictional] person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise.
4. I will also give ONE WORD that I associate with you when I think of you.
5. We all could use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone else's day as well.

It's coming, I can feel it.

I hate change. I have the hardest time adjusting to it. Most of the time I want to run in a screaming retreat back into my comfort zone, but I know that this time, I can't. The new semester is here, and there's so many things that are different. It's nice to see old faces, and not so fun to be missing others. And as a side note, Rachael, the semester won't be the same without you, and I am sorry that I am such an awful friend. I miss you and hopefully I'll see you soon. I heard that you asked about me the other day, and I hope that you don't hate me for not calling or being in touch for the last little while. I've been trying to rearrange my life and that means that I haven't been around anywhere much. I'm sorry. I guess that goes for everyone else too. I've been kind of wrapped up in my own thing for a while, but I'm hoping that in the next week I'll get down to a pattern, and I'll be able to be available more frequently.

I've screwed up so many times, and just been too tired or exhausted to get back on track, but this time I'm going to! And I just pray that this determination sticks. I want so bad for things to be okay; for my life to be where I saw it four years ago when I graduated from high school. But that didn't happen. Now I just have to make sure that the next four years are better.

Introspection sucks... it's such a fine line to walk. If you're not careful you can end up hating yourself and your life. I do that too frequently. However, I cannot fix what's wrong if I don't look inside myself to figure out what makes me tick. So, I'll walk that line, and pray that I don't over step my bounds.

Again, I want to apologize to all of my friends who have been there for me. If I'm inattentive, or rude, or just... anything... please forgive me, and let me know, because I didn't mean it. I'm just focusing on fixing me. However, don't let that discourage you from coming to me if you need someone to listen to you, because I plan on finding you if I'm ready to die. :-D I love you all, and I'm asking for your forgiveness before hand, because I know I'm gonna screw up, but I'll try not to. And thank you... for everything.