I don't know what's wrong with me. Recently it seems like every corner that I turn, there's one more thing reminding me of what a horrible person I am. Or, well, not even that, just reminders of all of my shortcomings and failings. It gets to a point sometimes where I wonder why people even keep me around. I want to just crawl into a hole in the wall and disappear... I don't want them to have to be around me, because I guess I don't want to be around myself... I'm miserable and I don't know why and I hate it. I want so desperately to be happy, and there are moments when I catch a glimpse of it in my own life, but those moments are always so fleeting. The other day I was just thinking about things, and for some reason I thought about my favorite time of day. It's sunset. That's the most beautiful time of day, that quiet reflective moment where all the bustle of the day has calmed down to a quiet hum, and the world is serene and beautiful. The darkness of night hasn't quite enveloped it yet. The world is holding on to those last traces of day as long as it can. I'm lost somewhere in the dark and all I have to hold onto is the memory of that peace... I doubt I'm making any sense to anyone who might be reading this. I'm hardly making sense to myself. I think the hardest part of everything is the fact that I have no direction right now. I'm so lost, and I have no idea how to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. I've tried everything that has been suggested, and nothing has seemed to work, so if any of you have any suggestions.. well, they'd be welcome. At this point, I think I might just give up and stop trying.
ps... I apologize to those of you who read both my blog and my livejournal...
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The answer to all of your problems is to come see me!!! Go work, spend no money, buy a bus ticket, and I'll come get you. My car should be fixed by the end of this week. And I need you to be here. So come see me!!!
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