I hate change. I have the hardest time adjusting to it. Most of the time I want to run in a screaming retreat back into my comfort zone, but I know that this time, I can't. The new semester is here, and there's so many things that are different. It's nice to see old faces, and not so fun to be missing others. And as a side note, Rachael, the semester won't be the same without you, and I am sorry that I am such an awful friend. I miss you and hopefully I'll see you soon. I heard that you asked about me the other day, and I hope that you don't hate me for not calling or being in touch for the last little while. I've been trying to rearrange my life and that means that I haven't been around anywhere much. I'm sorry. I guess that goes for everyone else too. I've been kind of wrapped up in my own thing for a while, but I'm hoping that in the next week I'll get down to a pattern, and I'll be able to be available more frequently.
I've screwed up so many times, and just been too tired or exhausted to get back on track, but this time I'm going to! And I just pray that this determination sticks. I want so bad for things to be okay; for my life to be where I saw it four years ago when I graduated from high school. But that didn't happen. Now I just have to make sure that the next four years are better.
Introspection sucks... it's such a fine line to walk. If you're not careful you can end up hating yourself and your life. I do that too frequently. However, I cannot fix what's wrong if I don't look inside myself to figure out what makes me tick. So, I'll walk that line, and pray that I don't over step my bounds.
Again, I want to apologize to all of my friends who have been there for me. If I'm inattentive, or rude, or just... anything... please forgive me, and let me know, because I didn't mean it. I'm just focusing on fixing me. However, don't let that discourage you from coming to me if you need someone to listen to you, because I plan on finding you if I'm ready to die. :-D I love you all, and I'm asking for your forgiveness before hand, because I know I'm gonna screw up, but I'll try not to. And thank you... for everything.
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Long time no talk, dear. I hope things are going well for you and that you're able to get things to where you wants them. We should talk sometime, like really talk, we have a lot more in common than you know. Anyway, I'll be waiting for your phone call!
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