I've been sitting here for about fifteen minutes. I've typed things, and then erased them several times, and so far, all that I've come up with is an image in my head and a few random thoughts and feelings that I can't seem to express. I guess I'll go with the image, since the words and feelings are less solid. I read a qote the other day and the image it portrayed stuck. It's from Anne of Green Gables. Go ahead and laugh, but I love those books and I always will. I guess I'll always identify with the romance of the stories... not the lovey kind, but the feel good, warm fuzzy kind. Anyway, this was the quote.
"When I left Queen's my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does. It has a fascination of its own, that bend, Marilla."
I'm sure all of you have experienced that feeling at some point in your lives when you know that, in the near future things will happen that will change your life forever, and that once they happen, you will never be the same, and you will never be able to go back to what you were before. That thought is daunting, exciting, and horrifying all at the same time. To not know what is coming, and at the same time know that it will change who you define yourself as... wow...
I know that by the end of this year I will forever leave who I am now for who I will become. I know that the changes will be positive ones, and I will be happier because of them, and that thought is comforting. However, though I know that these changes will be good, I've enjoyed, for the most part, becoming who I am right now. I've known for a while now that I've really been kind of stuck and not making much progress, and I've been unhappy many times, but I've become comfortable in my little rut in the road. It's scary to move from your comfort zone. You know what they say though... you have to take the first steps into the darkness and then the Lord will light your way.
"Marilla, isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"
It's 4 am, and I'm doing good so far. :)
How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head
If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I could see you
This darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right
I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface
And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right
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3 comments:
Why would anyone laugh at Anne of Green Gables? Every girl ever should read them and love them. I mean, they're not Virgil or Kafka or Tolstoy, so not "important," but they have their own importance.
I've experienced that feeling you're describing in your post as well. Coming out to college for the first time; it was thrilling and frightening and ultimately fascinating, as I had no clue what would be happening, but I knew nothing would ever be the same. And it wasn't, but it was different than I expected. You see, these decisions loom so large over us, and we worry and wonder over them, but life is just about living, and you go on doing that quite easily, even when things aren't. And so I found that the transition was quite easy, as all I had to do was let myself live, and everything came along with it.
You're fabulous, and I know you know I know this about you. Go out and have a blast, and remember to keep some great memories with you. And keep blogging! So I at least know what's up in the life o' Keely.
i'm gonna write a novel depicting my murder of Anne Shirley. i think it'd be a best seller.
lol.. I'm sure it would rival Grisham... I'll still love Anne till I die! :-D lol.. but I still love you!
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